In an age of social media, the pressure to both attain and conform to certain set ideals is a major issue. The considerable increase of ‘selfies’ is having a significant impact on the facial plastic surgery industry according to a new study by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS). The study has made claims that a whopping one in three facial plastic surgeons in the survey reported an increase in requests for procedures due to wanting better social media image.
Such considerable statistics have produced considerable satire. Joanna Rafael, of Blisstree.com, has come up with the following fanciful list of “9 Imaginary Surgeries All Women Would Get If They Were Real”. We liked it so much that we are reproducing the list, again, in it’s entirety, here:
Muffintopectamy- No longer will you have to worry about buying clothes you feel flatter you after you have a doctor mold your body to be a more aesthetically appealing shape! This procedure involves a surgeon taking an actual human sized cookie cutter to your figure.
Pooperplasty- Never worry about pooping in public or at your lover’s house again. Even farting is out of the picture after pooperplasty. This is the ultimate surgery for the woman with dainty aspirations.
Complete Victoria’s Secret Angelfication- Full body liposuction, limb lengthening, hair extensions and angel wing attachment will turn a plain Jane into a runway ready lingerie models.
Barbie Foot Heel Resurfacing- It’s pretty simple– a surgeon will break your feet and reshape them to look more like doll feet. Your feet will only hurt if you try to walk without 4? plus heels. Do it for your Louboutin and Jimmy Choo’s.
Permaspanx- Not only do you get the slimming and smoothing effect of constant spanx, but you’ll feel the comforting tight squeeze on your organs all the time. Forever.
Total Body Hair Removal- You’ll be smooth everywhere from your upper lip to your taint. Results are like waxing and laser hair removal, but you only have to do it one time. There’s no way to reverse it and start growing hair again, even if you want your pubes back when styles change.
Perfect Outfit Full Body Tattoo- Find an outfit that looks good and you’ll never have to take it off. One major plus is that it’s washable, one major drawback is that you can never ever change your clothes.
Body Satisfaction Lobotomy AKA Self Esteem Lift- So we won’t feel the need to undergo dangerous and expensive surgeries.
Thanks for the laughs, Joanna Rafael. Contact us if you would like to undergo a real surgery with real results!