'They'll Donate My Body to Tupperware': Joan Rivers Best Plastic Surgery Zingers

by Gregory S

We at Plastic Surgery Portal send our deepest and sincerest condolences to the family and loved ones of Joan Rivers. As a comedian (and plastic surgery connoisseur), Rivers could not be beat. We have assembled a list of first-rate Joan Rivers one-liners focusing on career and life with plastic surgery. We will remember her as she lived: wickedly sharp and always hilarious.

1. “I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for ‘Best Special Effects.’”
2. "I wish I had a twin so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."
3. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
4. "Looking 50 is great — if you're 60."
5. “The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.”
6. "I'm never without a bandage."
7. "The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery."
8. "My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time."
9. "A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again."
10. "With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace."
11. "No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face."
12. "When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off."
13. "I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life. Peeping Toms look at my window and pull down the shade. My gynecologist examines me by telephone."
14. "I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving."
15. "I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."
16. "I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present."

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